


Twelve Hours of Brown Eyes

by tomarkexists



Category: Blink-182
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom!Mark, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Top!Tom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-30 15:05:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1020117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomarkexists/pseuds/tomarkexists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark is spending Christmas with the love of his life. Twelve hours of love, pain, sex and brown eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 12 pm

_On the first hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

Sleep: blissful, relaxing, just paradise.

Sleep when you really need it. Sleep when you are depressed. Sleep when you are too fucking happy to sleep. Sleep when you are go …

“WAKE UP MARK!!!!”

… woken rudely up by your lover.

“Oh my fucking god, if it is not noon, I will kill you!” I screamed at the person jumping up and down excitedly beside me.

 “Come on Mark, wake up, it’s Christmas! And it is 12 pm already, you lazy ass! Come on, get up!!!”

I opened my eyes grudgingly. The first thing I focused on was his fucking face right on top of mine, smiling like a fucking dog. He gave me a quick peck on my lips and started jumping again.

“Come on Mark, its Christmas!”

“I hate you. Let me sleep…” I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him.

“Mark, come on. Don’t you want to open your presents?”

With the mention of presents, I was out of the bed and wide awake, faster than you can say ‘penis’.

“Presents? Gimme, gimme!” I whined like a 5 year old brat I am.

He laughed at me. Hey, sue me for loving presents. Especially presents from him.

“Not yet, I need to tell you something first.”

He suddenly sounded serious. What happened to ‘let’s behave like an annoying child who ate too much sugar’?

“You know, we have been together for six years…” he looked at the ground while he said this. He looks incredibly cute today. His sex hair (courtesy of last night’s activity), caramel brown eyes, his soft, slightly bruised lips, and his half-naked body with the colourful tattoos that I love reminded me why I love this man.

“Dear god, don’t remind me.”

He smiled slightly at my attempt of lightening up the mood. It’s Christmas, so why do I feel like he is breaking up with me?

_Oh god_ , _is he breaking up with me?_

Paranoia sets in on me. He is going to break up with me, right? He is gently letting me down and I will spend Christmas alone, eating cake and whatever I can find in the fridge and drinking eggnog and crying my eyes out like a hormonal teenage girl. Oh my god, what did I do wrong this time? Did he suddenly realise that I don’t deserve him. I know he is too good for me. The past six years have been like a dream, a perfect hallucination.

Why is he doing this to me?? On Christmas Day too! Breath Mark, breath…

“And every day, I know you are the only person I want to spend the rest of my miserable life with,” he is looking straight into my eyes now, his big brown eyes looking sincere.

Okay, _maybe_ he is not breaking up with me. Fuck, I panic way too much for my own good.

“I have been thinking about us a lot the past month, and I realised that I need you. I need you with me. You are my best friend, my lover, my soul mate or whatever. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, cherishing every moment together. And I cannot wait any longer.”

He suddenly went down on one knee, grabbed something out of his pocket, and pulled out a small box.

Holy fuck. Is this happening to me? Right now? On Christmas Day?

“Markus Allan Hoppus, will you be mine, forever?”

At that exact moment, million of things came to my head. The first time I saw him, the first date, the first kiss, the first time we made love, the first time he told me he love me, the first Christmas. The first everything. I look at this man. This man that has been by my side for the past ten years.  This man that I poured my heart and soul to. This man who never once judged me and just love me entirely for who I am. This man who deserves more, but settled for me. This man is mine, and I want him to be mine forever.

This perfect hallucination is too real. Too good for me.

“I thought you never asked,” I smiled, trying to control my tears.

He stood up, took the ring out of the box and slipped it on my finger. It was a perfect fit. I pulled him close to me and hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go.

“I love you babe,” he whispered into my ears, sending shivers down my spine.

“I love you more,” I cannot help it but the tears fell all over his shoulder.

Fuck, it’s only 12pm and I am already crying like the little bitch I am. Curse you Tom DeLonge.

“Did you check the inside of the ring?” he asked when we pulled away from the embrace.

I tugged the ring out and looked at it properly. It was a simple gold band, but there was something engraved on the inside of it. I gave a closer look and I saw it.

_This is yours, forever_

“It … it is perfect Tommy. I love it. But you don’t have a ring!”

Now I feel guilty as fuck. This perfect man just gave me the perfect ring and I gave him nothing, as per normal.

"Don’t worry about it. I got one for myself. Thought you could give it to me. I have no idea how this works with a guy. Maybe people should make a pamphlet on how to propose to your boyfriend," he rambled while grabbing another similar box from the drawers next to our bed. 

He passed it to me and I opened it. In it was a similar ring and I checked the inside of the ring.

_This is mine, forever_

I smiled at how perfect this whole situation is. I got down on my knee and looked up at him. He was slightly blushing.

"Thomas Matthew DeLonge, will you marry me?" I simply asked.

"YES! FUCK YES!" he jumped up and grabbed the ring from me and put it on. 

He pulled me in, our lips crashing into each other. I needed this, his touch, his taste, his lips pressed up against mine. Passionate, yet gentle. Urgent, yet slow.

"Merry Christmas, Mark," he said when we pulled away from the kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Tom," I sighed with pure ecstasy. 

“Come on, Christmas is just starting,” he grabbed my hands and started to lead me downstairs.

Awake: tired, confusing, just draining.

Awake when you rather be asleep. Awake when you are forced to. Awake when you are depressed. Awake when you are too fucking happy.

Awake to spend the perfect Christmas with the perfect person.

_… an engraved engagement ring_.


	2. 1 pm

_On the second hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

“Let’s have some Christmas breakfast?” he whispered into my ears while I nibbled gently on his ear.

We were in our dim kitchen. Our (fake) Christmas tree is illuminating the whole house, with its badly placed fairy lights. Tom and I were in an embrace, not making out. I did not want to let go of him. He was playing with my hair, running his fingers through my sticky hair.

“Mmmmmmm…” I am not physically hungry. Not yet. I am hungry for him. For his touch, his taste, his body…

He let out a small moan when I placed kisses on his neck. Slowly, ever so slowly, just to tease him.

“Oh Mark…” his soft, barely audible murmur was electric against my ear.

I grabbed his legs, carried him as if he was a feather, and placed him on our kitchen bench. I continued to kiss his neck, his chin, his lips, and just any part of his body I could get my mouth to. He bit my neck, and I know there will be bruises tomorrow which I would wear with pride. I hitched up my shirt and threw it behind me. He started licking my nipple, playing with the metal ring attached to it. I let out a moan.

“I love it when you moan,” he gave me his crooked smile, his eyes as big as a puppy. Those eyes, those  _perfect_  brown eyes, will be the death of me one day.

I smiled back, slightly annoyed that he stopped. He went back to licking my nipples, my chest and the sounds coming out of my mouth were loud, obscene. I pulled him away from my body and smacked my lips against his. I felt his tongue on my lips and as soon as I invited him in, we were exploring each other’s mouth like it was the first time. His strong arms grabbed my butt, pulling me closer. I could feel his hard on under the thin fabric of his boxers. He placed his calloused hands in my pants, slowly massaging my erection. Our tongues were still at work with each other and he bit my lower lip. It was getting hard to breath. His eyes were dripping with lust and desire.

He pulled away from the kiss and got off the kitchen bench. He pulled my pants down, chucking it to the side.

“I am going to blow you like you have never been blown before,” his voice was low, sexy and I nearly came on his face right then.

I closed my eyes, wanting to just feel him. I could feel his tongue, doing magical things on my penis.  _Oh dear god, he is amazing…_

“Tom, fuck, Tom…” my moans made him go faster, deeper.

He did something with his tongue; I am not sure what because of my closed eyes. But he has never done it before and a million of sensations happened at once.

“Holy fuck Tom, do that again!”

He complied and I bucked my hips forward, thrusting my dick deeper. Thank god for his lack of gag reflex. He did it once again and I can feel myself …

“TOM, HOLY FUCK I AM SO CLOSE! TO…” and before I could finish my sentence, I came really hard into his mouth.

Fireworks. I can see fireworks exploding in my head.

I was out of breath, gasping like a fish out of water.

“Fuck Tom, where did you learn that?” his little trick was incredible.

“Read it in a copy of Cosmopolitan,” he shrugged like it was nothing. In fact, it was far from nothing. He made me feel like I went to Heaven, if there is such a thing.

When my heart rate seemed to return back to its normal rate, I paid all my attention to him. His boner was in desperate need of attention. I pulled down his boxers, and started massaging his hard on. His eyes immediately rolled back, his hands holding the kitchen bench for dear life.

“I love you so much, Thomas.”

I pumped faster to match with his quicken breaths. His face was full of ecstasy. I love watching him. I love watching him get all hot and excited. I love knowing it is me that is making him feel that way.

I stopped.

“Mark, why did you stop?” he whimpered, obviously upset.

I looked around the kitchen, trying to find the lube and the condoms.

“Found it!” I waved it in the air in triumph.

He laughed slightly at my antics. I gave him the lube and a condom. He looked at me knowingly, squirted some lube on his fingers and gently, ever so gently, eased in my entrance. One finger, two fingers, three fingers and I am ready for him. He straddled me, supporting our weights by leaning against the kitchen bench. After doing this so many times, it had stopped hurting like it used to. It only gives me pleasure, this beautiful pleasure that only he can give me.

“Are you ready Mark?” he kissed my lips and I breath in his intoxicating smell.

“Yes, fuck yes, hurry up already Tom!”

He smirked at my impatience. I was fully concentrating on his face, his perfect face. The slight sheen of sweat on his skin, the smell of sex in the air, the way he is entering himself into me, slowly, teasing, it was all too much for me. Before I knew it, I was getting hard again.

Without any notice, he shoved his full length into me. I gasped. _Holy fuck._

Obscenities flew out of my mouth along with his name. I chanted his name like a prayer, a prayer that I need.

We moved in a rhythm. Our breaths fast, short. His face was in contortion, full of emotions. So beautiful … Like an angel.

He was hitting me right in my prostate.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck …_

“Don’t. Stop.” I managed to mutter in between my heavy gasps.

He grabbed my throbbing erection and started pumping fast. Before I knew it, another earth shattering orgasm came to me. I sprayed all over his abdomen. I can feel he was close to and before I can even think, he came all inside me.

My legs felt like jelly, and I was pressing my whole body against him. We were panting like we just ran a marathon.

“Two orgasms? Best. Christmas. Ever.”

“Only the best for my fiancé,” he was trying to regain his breathe.

Suddenly, a figure came to the kitchen. Who the fuck..

“Hey guys, merry Christma … what the fuck?”

Travis has invaded our private moment by barging in the house. He quickly walked away to the living room, muttering to himself.

“Once you guys are properly clothed and not fucking each other, I have presents!” he sounded pissed, as per normal when he catches us doing compromising things.

“Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to give him our spare key,” Tom chuckled at the situation.

“I am going to take a shower, wanna come?”

He nodded. I grasped his hands and lead him upstairs. We can hear Travis in the living room, cursing himself.

“All the time, all the time …” he shook his head in frustration.

_… two earth shattering orgasms._


	3. 2 pm

_On the third hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

After our quick shower, we headed downstairs and were greeted by our very impatient drummer.

“Are you guys finally done fucking each other?” Travis said bluntly.

“Haha, sorry about that Trav. You know I can’t keep my hands off him,” Tom mischievously smiled at him.

“Well, keep your hands to yourself so that I can give him his present,” he started opening his backpack, searching for my present.

Fuck yeah, presents! Especially presents from Travis. He gives the best presents ever.

“Errr, Travis, we need to tell you something…” Tom looked at me, glancing at my ring.

Oh yeah, engagement … I nearly forgot about that after all the … activities.

“We’re getting married!” I shoved my left hand right in front of Travis’ face.

There was a moment of silence. Travis looked at the ring, looked at Tom and I, and a huge grin was plastered on his face.

He came over us and pulled both of us into a huge hug. We stayed like that for a while.

“Congratulations! I am so happy for the both of you,” was it just me, or were those tears in his eyes?

“Thanks Travis. That means a lot to me and Tom.”

“Have you told anyone else yet?” okay, those were definitely tears. Who knew that our tattooed best friend is such a softie inside?

“Nah, you are the first. We are going to our families later to tell them the good news,” Tom answered him.

Shit, I forgot about that. We were going to my house for Christmas dinner. Tom’s family would be there too.

I can now imagine their excitement when we tell them. My mum and stepdad, Anne, Connie, Kari and Shon; they would be so happy for us.

Hopefully.

“So, which one of you proposed?”

“I did,” Tom said proudly.

“Good on you man. Knowing Mark, he will never have the guts to propose first.”

“Hey, fuck you. I was going to propose to Tom but he beat me to it,” okay, that was a lie. I don’t think I ever have the guts to propose. I will be too scared he said no.

“Whatever Mark,” Travis rolled his big blue eyes. “Okay, who wants presents?”

Travis grabbed something out of his bag and threw it at me. I easily caught it. It was pretty small. I started opening it like a child would. It turned out to be …

“Hair gel?” I couldn’t help but voice my disappointment. Who the fuck give someone hair gel for Christmas?

Travis started chuckling. Tom joined in.

“You’re a dickhead, you know that?” relieved it was a joke when Travis handed me another wrapped gift, much bigger and heavier this time.

_This better not be a joke gift or I will not be responsible for my actions._

A set of  _World War II_ books, hard cover.

Fucking brilliant.

“It is a 39 volume set. Apparently, it gives you the full history of the war. On the last tour, you wouldn’t stop talking about it. Thought you will like it.”

“Travis, I love it. Thanks man!” I was overjoyed. This is exactly what I needed. I became interested in  _World War II_  when I accidentally watched a documentary on it while on tour. Told you Travis gives good presents.

I gave him a hug. He passed a rectangular shaped box to Tom. Tom opened it and revealed a new pair of skate shoes and it looks rad.

"Wow, that’s gnarly dude! Thanks Travis!" he gave Travis a hug. Tom grabbed Travis’ present from under our Christmas tree.

“This is from the both of us,” Tom passed the huge wrapped box to Travis who placed it on our table.

He took his time opening the gift, slowly tearing out the sticky tape. When he was finally done, he was wearing a huge smile.

“A ghetto blaster? Man, that’s fucking sick! Thanks guys!” he gave us another hug.

I smiled at Tom. It was his idea for the ghetto blaster. Travis’ old one shits itself a few weeks ago and he didn’t have the time to pick a new one for himself with the arrival of Landon. We went to a skateshop and found this beautiful gold ghetto blaster hiding behind some boards.

“Okay, your turn Tommy! Open my gift, open my gift!” I was so fucking excited for him to open my present. I was out shopping without him when I accidentally found the perfect gift ever.

I passed him my present, wrapped with a UFO themed gift paper that I found in a toy store. It was amateurly wrapped, thanks to my lack of Martha Stewart skills, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? He smiled at the gift paper, and tore it open.

In it was a copy of a UFO documentary. Now, I know what you are thinking, surely Tom has lots of UFO documentaries already? Surely, he has watched every single fucking UFO documentary in existence? The thing is, he is such a fucking retard that anything to do with UFOs or aliens or some shit like that, he gets fucking excited. Plus, he doesn’t have this particular documentary. (when I got home, I went through his collection and that took fucking forever) And just as expected, he was looking at the DVD in awe.

“It is a pretty rare documentary. I looked it up on the Internet and found that they only made like a thousand copies or something. Apparently, there is some unseen footage from Area 51 or something.” _please tell me you like it Tom, please._

“I love it so much Mark, it is perfect. Thank you,” he pulled me into a kiss. A deep and passionate kiss. I couldn’t help but sigh. This day could not get any better.

We were interrupted by a cough.

“I know you guys are newly engaged and shit, but can you guys spare me the exchanging of saliva until we are done with opening the presents?”

I giggled as I pulled away from Tom. Tom walked to the Christmas tree and passed me my present.

It was beautifully wrapped in gold gift paper with a silver ribbon around it. Knowing Tom, he wrapped it himself, taking time and effort to do it properly unlike me. It was shaped like a pizza box, and was thick in width. Hmmm … what could Tom got for me?

I tore it open and stared at it.

Three vinyl records.  _Three Imaginary Boys_  by the Cure,  _The White Album_  by the Beatles and  _Milo Goes To College_  by the Descendents.

“I knew you were looking for them, pulled a couple of strings and finally managed to track them down. They are the first release, never been opened, never been played. You like?” he sounded worried.

He was worried that I would not love his present.

How can he be worried when he just gave me the most perfect present ever?

How can he be worried when everything he does is pure gold?

“I love it, oh my god Tom you did not have to do this,” my fingers were trembling from excitement. I have been everywhere, in record stores, on the Internet to try to find these records to no avail.

“Of course I do, I love you baby.” he smiled at me with that sweet, sweet smile of his and I melted.

I counted my blessings cause I know I don’t deserve such a perfect man.

Christmas fucking rocks.

_… three rare vinyl records._


	4. 3 pm

_On the fourth hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

Tom whipped up a quick brunch. Eggs, sausages, bacons, toast, mushrooms, baked beans, tomatoes, all cooked to perfection. He’s a fucking good cook. Actually, Tom is pretty much good at anything he does. He’s the opposite of me; no matter how much I try, if I suck at something, I suck at something. Period. Tom has the Midas Touch.

After we were done eating, Travis said goodbye to us and head off to spend time with his family.

“I love Travis man. I can’t wait to see him on New Year’s Eve,” Tom said while cleaning up the mess we made in the living room.

“Hmmmm…” I headed straight to the couch and lay down on it, disgruntled. My stomach was going to explode any moment now. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for an extra serving of bacon.

“So are you going to help me or are you just going to be a lazy asshole?” he threw some gift wrap at me.

“Let me think …. Let’s go with lazy asshole,” I could not even bother to move the gift wrap away. I just want to lie on this comfortable couch and fall to sleep …

Sleep sounds pretty good right now, actually…

He smiled at me and cuddled next to me. Hmmmm, he smelled nice … It was a mixture of his very own unique smell, detergent and soap. He smelled like home. His face looked soft and I resist caressing it. His lip ring shined under the lights, distracting my thoughts.

“Do you want kids, Mark?”

I blinked. Wow, I wasn’t expecting that question.

"You mean, with you?" I asked, making sure we are on the same page.

"Of course. Obviously, we have to adopt or maybe get a surrogate. I have been observing Travis and he seem so happy with his new kid," he licked his lower lip.

I thought to myself while Tom waited for my response patiently. I know Tom wants kids, you should see him around Landon. And he will be an amazing dad.

“Yeah, I don’t know. I would love to have kids with you, eventually. But I don’t think I will be a good parent.”

“What do you mean? You will be the perfect father any kid can ask for. You’re loving, smart, funny, talented and attractive. Any kid will be lucky to have you as their parent,” when I looked into those eyes, I knew he was honest with what he just said.

“I don’t know Tommy… I think I am afraid of how the child would feel growing up in our family. I’m afraid what people would say and how it will affect our child. I’m afraid that I cannot be a good role model, or I would never be there for them because of blink,” all my worries were thrown at him.

I knew when we started dating that he was the one for me. I knew I wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life. I knew I wanted to start a family with him.

But I knew that it will be difficult.

“Mark, you have me. And the both of us can get through it. We will shower our child with love. We will teach them that people may not approve of us but just as long as we have each other, nothing matters. You will be an amazing role model to our child because you are one of the most sincere person I have the pleasure to meet. We will always be there for them no matter what. We got through the past six years, we can get through the coming years Mark,” his voice so gentle, so caring.

He was right, of course. Tom is always right. The past six years were rough. We had to be brave for each other even though there were people who were so adamant that our love is a sin, forbidden and should be stop.

But how can our love be a sin when we love each other like any other couple does?

How can he be a sin?

“I am scared Tom,” I was on the verge of tears. I have been thinking about our future and it has been keeping me up at nights. Worrying, panicking and dreading.

“I am scared too Mark,” his whisper softly. “But we are doing this together, and when I am with you, I am no longer scared.”

He kissed me on my forehead.

“I promise I will be strong for you.”

He kissed me on my nose.

“I promise I will be there for you.”

He kissed me on my cheek.

“I promise that our child will love you.”

He kissed me on my lips.

“I promise that I will love you, forever and ever and ever …”

His voice trailed off. His eyes, full of earnest.

I know he will never break those promises. When Tom makes a promise, he keeps them. And I feel slightly better, slightly less scared of the future.

We snuggled in each other arms, not a care in the world while we share an intimate silence between us. No words need to be exchanged because everything that needs to be said has been said.

_… four promises._


	5. 4 pm

_On the fifth hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

“Hurry up Mark, we’re going to be late!”

Tom whizzed around the bedroom, throwing off his clothes and rummaging in our drawers. I suppose when you are cuddling, you tend to lose track of time.

“Why can’t I just wear this?” I started to sulk. Tom was trying to convince me that my choice of clothing (my favourite black Atticus shirt, a pair of Dickies and my worn Macbeths) is inappropriate for Christmas.

“Because you look like you’re not about to tell our families that we’re engaged!” he sighed, frustrated.

Okay, okay, maybe I should change just to humour him. I slipped my Dickies off and put on a pair of jeans and a black jacket.

“Slightly better,” he grinned. He was wearing a pair of jeans too and a black polo with a black sweater on. He looks so devishly handsome that I had to resist myself from tearing his clothes and humping him right there.

Wow, I am horny today.

Once Tom was sure that we had packed every single presents for our families in the car, we used rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets to drive (Tom lost, fuck yeah) and set off to Poway.

Traffic was good, as I expected. I guessed everybody is at home, spending time with their loved ones.

“Fuck, everything on the radio sucks,” he kept switching the radio stations until he gave up and switched it off. We rode in silence for a while. Tom was humming a song that I could not recognise.

After a while, I was bored. And I need to spit something out that has been bothering me since he popped the question.

“Do you think they will be happy for us?” I broke the comfortable silence.

"Who?" he glanced at me, then quickly focused on the road.

"Our families."

“What makes you think they won’t be happy for us?”

I could not answer him. I had no idea why I was being such a nervous wreck today. I sighed and started biting my nails.

“Mark, no matter what happens, I love you and that is enough.”

I gazed at him. His brows were slightly furrowed and he was holding the steering wheel way too tight till his knuckles were turning white. His long brown bangs were all over his eyes. I reached out to push his hair behind, tucking it behind his ear. He smiled at the simple gesture and began to relax.

I slumped down on my seat, and felt my eyes droop slightly.

“Hey, can you grab the CD in the compartment in front of you?”

“Which CD?” there was shit everywhere, CDs tossed lazily, candy wrappers, receipts, business cards that we don’t give a fuck about, condoms, a fan’s bra.

“The one that says demo on it.”

I finally found it and I stared at the CD for a while. I have never seen it before.

“Play it,” he probed me.

I pushed the CD in the car and waited for it to play. A familiar whiny voice blared out of the speakers.

“Hello, my name is Tom DeLonge and I wrote these five songs for the love of my life.”

Beautiful strummings of a guitar, with the obvious Tom sound to it. His velvet voice filled the car and I immediately fell in love with the unknown songs that played. 

_… Come on let me hold you touch you feel you_   
_Always_   
_Kiss you taste you all night_   
_Always …_

_… This awkward silence makes me crazy_   
_The glow inside burns light upon him_   
_I’ll try to kiss you if you let me …_

_… Should I go back should I go back should I_   
_I hope I won’t forget you …_

_… Fate fell short this time_   
_Your smile fades in the summer_   
_Place your hand in mine_   
_I’ll leave when I wanna …_

_… I will go down as your lover, your friend_   
_Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin_   
_Are you afraid of being alone_   
_Cause I am, I’m lost without you …._

“You … you wrote those songs about me?”

“No, I wrote those songs about chilli cheese fries,” he rolled his eyes at me. “Of course it is about you, dickweed.”

I was speechless. When we first started jamming together, I wrote a few songs about him (M+ M’s, Wasting Time, Josie etc.). I will tell him that it is about a girl and it took me four long years to finally muster the guts and tell him the truth.

“Song one and two were written before we got together. Three and four was when we started dating and I wrote the last song last week when I decided that it was time to marry you.” I smiled. The last song was my favourite.

“I did not want to share it with you because I don’t think I was ready to tell you how I feel. How lost I feel without you. Without you, I am nothing Mark,” he took a deep breath. “But now, I think I am ready.”

Some people express their emotions through art, dance, words. Some people express their emotions through music and lyrics. Tom is a vocal person who voices out his opinion. But I find him the most expressive through his lyrics.

Through his words that are strung onto beautiful lyrics, I understand everything.

I played the CD again and again and again …

Until we reached the place where it all began.

_… five demo songs._


	6. 5 pm

_On the sixth hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

As soon as we stepped into my old house, our noses were attacked by different smells at once. Ham, mince pies, pumpkin pie, roast, stuffing, fruit cake and the obvious pine smell coming from the big tree in the living room. (unlike me, mum prefers her tree to be real)

“Hey everybody!” I shouted as we placed all the presents on a table near the front door and removed our jacket and sweater.

“Oh my god, the’re finally here!” a very familiar voice came from the living room. “Mum, Mark and Tom are here!”

I see my beautiful sister ran up to me and gave her a big bear hug, lifting her off the floor.

“Hello Anne! I miss you so much, I haven’t seen you in ages! How are you?”

“I’m great. Work is slowly killing me but I managed.”

Anne is a high school teacher. I have no idea to this day what possessed her to teach high school kids but she’s great at the job and it makes her happy.

“Oh, hi Tom!” she finally noticed my man, standing beside me with an amused smile. “Oh my god, how are you?”

“I am great!” he returned her hug.

“Okay, come on. Everybody is waiting for you guys.”

We entered the living room and I immediately laughed. Shon was wearing one of those skanky Santa outfits that were meant for chicks. Imagine Mean Girls, but a 6 foot 2 grown man with a stubble wearing it.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Tom asked, his face full of shock at his brother.

“Lost a fucking bet to Kari because of you assholes,” he was evidently irritated.

“What the hell did we do?” Tom was trying not to laugh at his older brother but failed halfway through his sentence.

“Showed up late …” he grunted as Kari squealed with laughter, taking pictures with her iPhone.

“Sorry man, but you should know by now that we are useless when it comes to punctuality,” I was still laughing at the incredulity of the whole situation. “But hey, it’s a good look!”

“Maybe I fell in love with the wrong DeLonge …” I whispered jokingly into Tom’s ears.

He let out a shocked gasp, pouted his lips and ran away like a little girl.

“Baby, you know I was joking!” I ran after him and grabbed him by his hip. “You’re my one and only babe …”

I leaned in for a kiss but Tom ran away again, to hug Connie. Exasperated, I walked around the house to say hello to everybody else.

“Hello Max, how are you?”

“Mum, I haven’t seen you in ages!

“Kari, oh my god is that really you?”

“Connie, my favourite person in the world!”

By now, Tom has already forgiven me. He sidled up to me.

"Now is a good time to tell them?”

I looked around and noticed that everyone is in the living room. Perfect.

“Errhhmmmmm … everyone, Tom and I have some good news to share.”

Everybody was silent. You could hear a pine needle drop in the room. I can sense everyone was waiting for me to continue.

“I proposed to Mark and we’re getting married!” he threw my left hand and his own to prove it.

I heard a burst of tears coming from my mum. Anne and Kari screamed in delight and were screaming “I knew it!” and “I told you so!”. Shon gave a low whistle and shook Tom’s hands, congratulating him. My mum is now in my arms, crying and telling me how happy she is for me. Max came over and gave me a hug, telling me how proud he is of me.

Max suddenly reminded me that I need to call my dad and tell him the good news. I am so lucky to have such supportive parents and an awesome stepdad.

Suddenly, Connie walked up to me. I started getting nervous. When Tom and I started dating, she wasn’t keen on the whole idea. In fact, she didn’t speak to Tom for a full year. She soon got over it and learned to accept our relationship.

“Mark,” I braced myself. “Thank you for making my little Thomas happy. You are the best thing that happened to him and I am very happy to call you my son-in-law.”

She pulled Tom and I in a hug and sobbed quietly into our shoulders. I looked into Tom’s eyes and noticed tears. Tears of joy and love.

.

.

.

I was on the couch once again, feeling angry at myself. I had exercised no self control today and had stuffed myself with food. I felt sorry for myself when I realised I cannot move from my spot. A body plunged right beside me. It was Anne.

“Getting married, huh? I’m so happy for you. Are you nervous?” I looked at her pretty face that reminded me of well … myself.

“Yeah, of course. But I know this is the right thing to do.”

“Sure it is. You guys have practically been joined by the hips ever since I introduced you guys together,” she smiled at me, patted my huge belly and was about to leave the couch when I grabbed her by her wrist.

“Thank you,” I said with what I hope is in a sincere tone.

“For what?”

“For introducing the love of my life to me. He is my everything … ” I sighed as I glanced at him from across the room. He was in a deep conversation with Kari and she just passed him something.

“No problem. And to think I was going to ask him out,” she chuckled at herself while walking away.

My stomach is killing me. This must be how the first stage of hell feels like.

“Hello babe,” Tom was now sitting beside me, with his hand on my leg. “Ate too much?”

I looked pointedly at my enormous stomach.

“Ew, gross. You might want to ease up a bit. You don’t want to look fat in your wedding dress, do you?”

I feigned an offended look.

“Hey, fuck you. It’s Christmas and I will stuff myself if I want to. And if one of us were to wear a wedding dress, it will be you,” he giggled and started playing with my hair. If it was anyone else, they would have suffered my wrath by now. But it is Tom and he gets away with everything.

“Hey, what’s that in your hands?” I noticed the little bundle that Kari gave to him.

“It’s some old photos of us. Kari found it while cleaning my old room,” he passed me the photos. They looked old and were frayed at the edge.

The first photo was me with casts on both my legs and supporting myself on crutches. I was flipping off the person who took the picture (I think it was Anne) and my hair looked crazy and wild. Tom was standing beside me. His hair was a longish brown and he had a huge grin on his face. You can see his braces, the teenage acne, the young innocence of a child. He looked adorable. Me, on the other hand …

I recalled the incident that caused me to be in that state and I groaned loudly.

“You were so stupid you know, climbing that street light,” he chuckled as he too remembered.

“I did it for you!”

When Anne first introduced me to Tom, I was so drawn to him and I had this unexplained need to impress him. I don’t know why I felt that way for a kid I just met, but before I could think, both my ankles were broken.

“It was worth it, so you know.”

He smiled.

I looked at the back of the photo and noticed a scrawl of handwriting, presumably Tom’s.

_God, I love his smile_

The next photo was me sitting down on a toilet’s floor beside Tom. I had really hideous blue hair and I was on the stage of dyeing Tom’s hair. I have no idea who took the picture but I was glad they did. Tom was smiling shyly at me while I concentrated on his hair.

"Not the blue hair! I had no idea what I was thinking at that time. I thought I was so cool."

“I liked your blue hair.”

"I liked your blonde hair."

I turned to the back again.

_When he touch me, I feel safe_

The next photo was Tom and I sitting down on someone’s couch  Tom’s hair is now a peroxide blonde. We weren’t looking at each other but our hands were touching.

_I need him near me_

The next photo was at someone’s party. Tom was under age drinking, as per normal. We were both flipping off the cameraman.

_Without him, I am incomplete_

The next one was me and him jamming in Scott’s garage. The blue hair was gone by now, thank god. Both of us were topless and sweating in the heat.

_He gave me a reason_

The last photo was at another party. This time, I was giving Tom a kiss on the cheeks. Both of us looked smashed from the alcohol. He wore a huge smile.

_I want to relive this night_

_I want to relive the moment I fell in love with him_

I felt like I was going to explode from all the emotions I suddenly felt. I wanted to run to a cliff and shout at the world about how much I love him. I wanted to write songs about him for the rest of my life. I wanted to …

“I love you,” I said simply. And that is enough.

It has always been enough.

_… six old photos._


	7. 6 pm

_On the seventh hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

I was deep in thought. Today is definitely the best Christmas I had. My soul mate proposed to me, I am in the company of people I love, I am in the presence of good food and presents and I just realised that my fiancé has loved me ever since we met.

Life could not get any better than this.

As if reading my thoughts, Tom stopped trailing his finger on my arm and stood up while Shon was sharing some funny stories about their childhood.

“Where are you going?” I was upset that I was no longer breathing in his exquisite smell.

“I just remembered something. Follow me,” he offered his hands to me.

I stood up (my huge tummy ache has gone now but I know that the food will come back tonight with a vengeance) and gave him my hands. He dragged me out of the living room, away from our families (who did not even noticed us leaving), up the stairs and into my old room.

My old room has been turned to a mini blink-182 shrine. It was kinda creepy that mum spend time over the years collecting little things from us, but I was mostly proud of it. All our achievements, from the ticket to our first show, to my written speech for an awards ceremony, they are all displayed here so that we can privately enjoy it and be proud of what we achieved.

“Um Tom, why are we here?”

“This room has so many memories … We kissed here for the first time, we had sex here for the first time … You told me you love me here for the first time,” and as soon as he said that, I was taken back six years ago.

_Blink was doing small shows around the California area. We were getting quite popular. It was after a show and Scott was driving us home._

_“Man, that show was so fucking rad!” Tom was pumped with after show adrenaline._

_“Hey, do you dicks want to come to my place and chill? No one is at home right now,” I screamed over the two idiots while wiping the sweat out of my face._

_"Sure, why not!" Tom shouted back._

_“Nah man, I gotta go home. Have fun though,” our drummer told us and dropped us off at my place._

_“Come on Tom, let’s party,” I brought him up to my room. We had chips and soda and cigarettes. We were playing on my Nintendo and talking about how the other bands sucked and how we were the best._

_After a few hours, we were quiet. It was unusual to me because Tom never stop talking. I glanced at him and he was desperately chewing his bottom lip. He finally stopped biting his lips and looked at me._

_“Mark, do you think we can do this?”_

_Even though he was 20 at that time, I can still see him as the 16 year old boy who was scared of everything. Especially at that moment. He looked so fragile, like he was going to break if I didn’t reassure him._

_“Of course dude, you know we’re fucking awesome!” he didn’t seemed convinced. Yet, he was still staring intently at me. I couldn’t help but returned the stare. He was so fucking attractive and it was painful that this stupid crush on my best friend still lingered after four hard years. There were so many times that I was so tempted to just tell him._

_I remember that one time I caught him masturbating in my room and how my jaw dropped. He looked so beautiful and graceful, pleasuring himself. It was nearly impossible for me to close the door and walked away. I wanted to kiss him everywhere. I wanted to touch him where he needed to be touched._

_I wanted to take him and make him mine._

_Of course, I walked away. He fucked other girls and I fucked other girls, wishing every single time that it was him under me with that same exact expression I saw._

_I was about to stop staring at him when I realised he had moved closer to me. The air was getting thick and it was getting harder to breath. We leaned into each other, slowly taking our time. It felt like eternity until our faces were so close to each other, just a few inches apart. I could see his face so clearly, clearer than ever. I memorized his face, knowing this will never happen again. He is probably horny and drunk._

_His face was perfect. From his huge brown eyes, to his cute nose, to his soft cheeks, to his luscious lips. We were breathing in each other’s air now. We were not moving, just analysing each other._

_I was scared of what will happen next. I knew I was going to be let down because he doesn’t feel the same way about me. Plus, I’m a guy, who happened to be his best friend. This was probably his idea of a joke. I moved away from him._

_“Please,” his voice caused my skin to jump, bringing goosebumps and sending shivers. He sounded so lost and his eyes begged me._

_I moved in closer and our lips met. It started out very clumsy, both of us unsure what to do. When we finally figured it out, I placed my hand on the back of his head, pulling him closer. He tasted delicious. It was a mixture of sweat, soda and Tom, pure heaven. We stayed with our lips pressed up against each other until I felt his tongue dancing on my lips. I cautiously pursed open my lips, letting him in. Our tongues were shy at first, not knowing what to do. After a couple of minutes, our tongues were everywhere; tasting, licking. Tom pushed me back on my bed and he was on top of me, straddling me. Everything was happening too fast, too quick for my brain to even function properly. All I could think about was how good this felt and how much I needed it. How much I needed him._

_Our hands were everywhere. His hands were under my shirt, caressing my chest. His touch was burning me with desire._

_I pushed him back when he started biting gently on my lower lip, causing me to become aware that I was getting hard._

_“What are we doing?” my voice was hoarse. I was so fucking confused. I needed him so badly but I didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling._

_“Please Mark, please…” he pleaded again as he began placing kisses on my neck. I moaned. I grabbed his hair, guiding his kisses. He stopped and got off me. He took off my pants and boxers, releasing my hard penis. I was about to stop him when I could feel his warm hands grasping tightly around my erection. I gasped at the sudden contact of skin. He worked his way slowly, spreading my pre come all over my penis. I whimpered as he took his time, teasing me. He made his way back to my lips, keeping a firm hand on my throbbing dick. He continued to kiss me everywhere, my neck, ears, lips. I was gasping at this point of time and he pumped faster and faster until …_

_“OH FUCK TOM I LOVE YOU!”_

_Everything made sense at that moment._

I smiled at the memory. We started dating shortly after that. Tom was smiling to himself too. He looked at me with a grin. Shit, I know that grin. That grin means he’s up to something.

“Mark, do you remember the time we played that game in your closet?” he pointed to my closet behind me.

“That seven minutes game?” okay, I like where this is going.

He took out his iPhone and put up the countdown timer for seven minutes and left it on the table beside the closet. He pulled me into the closet and started kissing me. The closet smelled old and it was dark and cramped.

“Tom, our families are downstairs,” I managed to mumble between kisses.

“We will be quiet,” he was attacking my neck and collarbones now.

I gave up and went back to kissing him. His calloused hands were touching me in all the right places. His teeth were leaving me marks as he made me his.

His hands went to my jeans and unbuckled my belt. I could feel my jeans dropped. His slightly cold hands were on my half erected penis and slowly massaged the head of it. If it weren’t for his lips on mine, I would have let out illicit moans that will surely caused our families to suspect.

He went faster as my breathing became short and jagged. The whole time, Tom had his lips on mine, causing me to stifle my moans and groans. He bit my bottom lip pretty hard before breaking our kiss. He took his other hand and placed it over my mouth, closing it to quieten me down. I felt myself being close, on the verge of paradise.

“Oh my fuck Tom, don’t stop,” I spatted the words out and right on cue, his iPhone beeped, signalling the end of the seven minutes.

His hand immediately left my penis.

“Sorry Mark, times up, you know the rules,” he backed away from me.

“But Tom, I am so fucking close,” my dick was hurting now and I gave him my biggest puppy dog eyes, hoping to change his mind. I was furious at him for suggesting our hot make out session to end like that.

“Is that how our marriage is going to be build on? You’re a big boy Mark, you can finish yourself off,” he winked at me and got out of the closet, leaving me hanging. Literally.

You know when I said that I love him and he is my soul mate and I want to spend the rest of my life with him?

Scratch that.  

I hate him for doing this to me.

_… seven minutes in heaven._


	8. 7 pm

_On the eighth hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

After I finished myself off in the toilet, I made my way downstairs. Everybody was chilling in front of the Christmas tree and I can see Tom innocently giving me a smile. What an asshole.

I decided not to speak to him and let him suffer. He hates it when I do that and soon he will be begging on his knees for forgiveness.

He made his way over to me. _Be strong Mark, you are an impenetrable fortress._

“Whatchu thinking Marky?” he wrapped his arm around my waist and I tried to push him away but he kept a firm grip.

“Oh come on, Mark. Don’t sulk. I am just following the rules,” he leaned into my ears. “Besides, I am just preparing you for later.”

_Oh fuck._

“I still hate you,” I can’t believe I fell for his stupid trap.

“No you don’t,” he sauntered off and plopped himself on the couch.

“Come on everybody, let’s open up the presents before we eat some dinner,” mum interrupted Shon while he was shaking his hips, apparently doing a terrible impression of Kari when she was a teenager.

I made my way and sat beside Tom. He gave me a coy smile and nuzzled my neck before screaming at Kari, telling her to open our gift to her.

Twenty minutes later, I own a new pair of shoes from Shon, some kickass CDs from Anne, new bass string from Kari, a matching sweater with Tom from Connie and a brand new telescope from mum and Max.

I was pretty happy with the stash this year and I think everybody is happy with our choice of presents for them. I was sipping a glass of rum, talking to Kari about nothing in particular when Max tapped on my shoulder.

“Mark, your dad is on the phone,” he looked nervous, which I don’t blame him. My parent’s relationship with each other is better now and they can talk to each other without screaming obscenities. Partly, it is for my benefit but I am happy that they can be civilised towards each other.

My dad’s feelings towards Max, on the other hand …

“Excuse me Kari,” she smiled at me and turned to Tom. I made my way to the phone.

“Hello Markus!” he still calls me that to this day.

“Hi dad. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas to you too Markus.”

“So, how are you dad? We haven’t talk in a while.”

“I’m getting by,” he paused and I can sense him holding back something. “So, how are you Markus? Is Tom doing well?”

“Tom is fine dad. I need to tell you something,” I took a deep breath before continuing. “He proposed to me this morning.”

“Did you said yes?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Congratulations Markus. Both of you are good for each other,” he is a man of few words but when he said those two simple sentences, I knew he really meant it.

“Thanks dad, that means a lot to me,” I took a sip of my rum. Oh alcohol, you are my fucking wife.

I mean, Tom is my wife. To be wife.

“So, when is the wedding?”

“I’m not sure yet, we haven’t discussed about it,” I noticed that he was sniffling. I frowned. Was he crying? “Is there something wrong dad? You sound like you’re about to cry.”

“Markus … Ummm … I went to the doctors last week. I have been having these massive headaches that won’t go away.”

My stomach lurched. This is bad news.

“They … they found a clot in my brain. It’s quite serious…”

Time stopped. I distantly hear the sound of a glass crashing.

“Markus, are you there?” his voice sounded a million years away. My vision was getting blurry and the last thing I saw was Tom running towards me, looking worried as hell.

I crashed.

_It was my first Christmas without a proper family. Dad has packed his things a week ago and left us, being sicked of mum and I. Anne was so young and vulnerable and I tried my best to comfort her. My mum was no use as she spiralled into a deep dark hole. In the end, I had to run the house, trying to keep things together for my sanity._

_I remember being depressed on the night of Christmas Eve. Not a good feeling for such a joyous occasion. I woke up grudgingly when I heard a distant noise, seriously considering sleeping in the whole day._

_I heard it again. A small knock on my door._

_I made my way to the door and found Anne standing there, crying._

_“What’s wrong Anne? Today is not the day to cry,” I hugged her tightly, knowing exactly the reason behind her tears._

_“I just want my family back,” she cried harder._

_“Shush baby,” I began singing softly to her the song I wrote a week ago after I found Anne crying in her room._

_“Quit crying your eyes out, quit crying your eyes out and baby come on. Isn’t there something familiar about me? The past is only the future with the lights on. Quit crying your eyes out baby…”_

_She managed to stop crying and we rocked in each other arms._

_“Thanks Mark,” her eyes were swollen and red and her voice was weak._

_“No problem. Go and get dressed and let’s open up presents,” I kissed her on the forehead._

_Our Christmas tree was miserable. In fact, the whole house was riddled with the smell of sadness. I walked past my mum’s room and noticed her crying on the bed._

_“Mum, come on.”_

_She didn’t respond._

_“Mum, please. For Anne.”_

_She looked up at me and muttered hoarsely to give her five minutes. I left her room and went downstairs. The phone was ringing. I picked it up, thinking it was some dumb relative._

_“Hello Markus.”_

_I recognized that voice and I could feel the venom filling up my body, escaping my mouth._

_“How dare you call us today? Did you know the amount of shit you have put Anne through?” sweet little Anne, her innocence destroyed._

_"Markus, shut the fuck up. I did not call to hear a lecture from my good for nothing son.”_

_I clenched my jaw, resisting myself from screaming at him for the sake of Anne._

_“Why the fuck are you calling us?”_

_“I want you to tell your bitch mum that I am sending her the divorce papers.”_

_“She is not a bitch. You were the asshole who did not want to work things out and you left us. You fucking left us dad!” I couldn’t help it but my voice raise slightly._

_“Now, you listen to me Markus. Don’t get involved in adult matters.”_

_“Dad, I am not a child. You broke our family apart and damn right I will get involve in it!”_

_“I did not break the family apart, you did! Our fights are about you! If you are more useful and do something with your life instead of wasting my time and money, I will still be at the bloody house!”_

_“You should have been supportive of me dad. That’s what parents are suppose to do.”_

_“I am not your parent. You are no son of mine.”_

_That stung like hell._

_“Fuck you dad!” I smashed the phone down and punched the wall, leaving a dent. I picked everything on the nearest table in a fit of rage and threw it at the ground, crashing and breaking shit. I was kicking, punching and throwing until my body gave up and I sank to the floor, crying my hearts out. I stayed in a foetal position, d_ _esperate to cling onto sanity. I can smell blood and realised it was my own._

_The doorbell rang. I was going to ignore it when the ringing became knocking. The knocking became shouting. I know that voice._

_I dragged myself to the door and opened it._

_“Merry Christmas Mark, what the fuck happened to you?” I was facing Tom, his big smile quickly turned to a frown. He looked around the house and noticed the mess I made. He observed my red swollen eyes, the cuts on my hands and arms._

_I was going to slam the door in his face when he stopped it with his foot. He entered the house and threw his warm body at me and hold me tight._

_“Everything’s going to be fine Mark. Your family can come to my place. I’m sure my mum won’t mind …” he knew exactly what is going on, having experienced it himself a year ago._

_“I hate him, Tom. I fucking hate him,” I started crying into his broad shoulders, smelling him while he rubbed figure eights on my back._

_“It’s okay Mark. You’re going to be okay …”_

“Mark, are you okay? Mark, can you hear me?” an angel was speaking to me and pulling me out of the darkness. I followed the voice.

I woke up suddenly. The light immediately streamed into my eyes, making me squint.

“Mark? He’s waking up everyone,” I can hear a collective sigh of relief. I tried to focus on the figure in front of me.

“Mark, can you hear me?”

I can feel myself nodding.

“Mark, what happened? One minute, you’re talking to your dad and the next you dropped your rum and fainted,” he sounded worried. Ahhh… that is what caused the piercing pain on my arm.

“Tom, my dad …” my voice cracked. Before I can stopped myself, tears were flowing.

He grabbed me and comfort me with the same soothing voice, rubbing figure eights on my back.

“Everything’s going to be okay. Mark, you are going to be okay…”

_… eight figures of comfort._


	9. 8 pm

_On the ninth hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

I managed to calm myself down to have a coherent conversation. I explained my dad’s situation to everyone. My mum called him to find out more.

“So?” I asked as mum was walking towards me. Tom was helping me clean my wounds. I winched as he wiped my cuts with antiseptic.

“Sorry love. He doesn’t know much either. It can be tomorrow, it can be next year …” she gave me a kiss on my forehead and left to the kitchen to grief by herself.

“Where’s Anne?”

“She’s talking to your dad right now,” he was done with my wounds. I looked at the ground.

“Mark, I’m so sorry that this is happening.”

“Can … can we get married soon? Like, maybe in a month?”

“What?” he was perplexed.

“I … I want my dad to be there. We can do it low key with our families and a couple of our close friends,” I want my dad to be there for my special day before … he moved on.

It was difficult to accept that my dad might die at any time now. I remember him being tall, big, and strong, with no care of the world. And now, he have a time bomb ticking in his head, ready to go off at any time …

“Sure babe, I understand,” he gave me a peck on my cheeks and placed his head on my shoulder. He held me close. I was desperately trying to keep out those thoughts that will surely haunt me soon.

I was trying to be strong for him just like how he is being strong for me.

The mood of the house became solemn after the terrible news dropped on us like a bomb. I noticed Anne was walking towards us.

“He said he is sorry for telling you today. He has been trying to tell us for the past week but couldn’t find a way to break it to us. When he heard you’re getting married, he decided that if he doesn’t tell you now, he will never speak up …” she sniffled.

“Come on everybody, let’s eat dinner,” Connie tried to sound cheerful but failed.

We all shuffled into the dining room. None of us was talking much. It was awkward and I wanted to get out of there. I left the table while everyone was eating cake and walked out of the house. I stood on the porch, running my fingers through my gelled up hair. I could hear people shouting and singing. I felt myself sinking to the floor.

“Mark?” Tom appeared behind me and attempted to pull me out of the ground.

“Tom now is not the time,” I tried to push him away.

“Mark, listen to m-“

“Tom, shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone okay!” I screamed at him.

He made a sound that felt like pain. Great, maybe he can feel some of my pain. He was walking away slowly, away from the house.

What the hell was I doing? I have never shouted at him like that before.

“Tom, wait up,” I caught up to him and made him face me. “ I’m sorry okay. I am just so fucking upset right now.”

“I understand Mark, but you got to let me help you. You don’t have to face this alone,” he reached up and dried my hollow eyes.

“Take me far away please, Tom, before I melt to the ground again.”

“Let’s go,” he opened the car door for me.

“Where?”

“Just come.”

I got in the car and was thankful that there is a heater.

“Let’s not speak,” I need silence, to just dwell on what happened.

He nodded and placed his hand on my leg. He started driving aimlessly. Or so I thought…

He drove to his old house and pointed at the street light that I notoriously climbed. I smiled weakly at him.

_“Look Tom, I’m the king of the world”_

_“Get down, you fucking dickhead, you’re going to get hurt!”_

_His voice was full of concern. I smiled down at the boy I just met. I need to impress him._

_I must._

_“Tom, loo –FUCK!” my foot slipped and I knew this was going to hurt._

_He better be worth it._

He then drove to Sombrero’s, obviously closed for the holidays. So many memories of hot days in summer came to my head.

_“This place looked disgusting dude,” Tom grimaced at the table we are sitting on._

_“Come on, give it a chance,” I started playing with my napkin, feeling nervous that he might not like my favourite food place in the world._

_Our burritos were served. He poked it suspiciously, not daring to take a bite._

_I took a huge bite out of mine, let out a sexual moan and pointed at his burrito, convincing him to try it._

_“Only trying this for you Mark,” his brows furrowed. His big hands grabbed the burrito, took a bite out of it then he gave me this look that I have never seen before._

_“I fucking love you Mark,” he took another bite, and another and a huge grin was painted on his face._

_I laughed at my young companion._

Next was Scott’s old house. He pointed at the garage, where everything began.

_“Mark, this is my friend Scott. Scott, this faggot’s name is Mark,” Tom introduced me to a skinny, nerdy-looking boy._

_I was in doubt. Surely, this kid can’t play drums?_

_“Hey man. Cool bass,” he complimented me._

_“Thanks. Let’s start?” I asked Tom. He nodded._

_We decided to play a Screeching Weasel song. Scott wasn’t half bad, actually and that surprised me._

_After we were done, Tom had a huge smirk on his face._

_“Mark, I think we can do this.”_

By now, I realised that Tom was showing me places that meant something to me, to the both of us. The skate park was next. We used to go there every weekend, trying to master tricks. I began to smile sincerely, getting excited at the sight of one of my favourite place in the world.

_“Tom, I can’t fucking do this,” he was trying to teach me how to do a laser flip and I keep falling off my board._

_“Mark, you are hitting the nose too hard. You want to spin than flip on the board,” he demonstrated to me once again, doing it perfectly._

_I tried again and as per normal, I fell off it._

_“Fuck!” I was getting frustrated and I know that Tom is trying to hold his laugh._

_“Okay, okay. Come on, I show you,” he put his hand on my leg, moving it to show me what I am supposed to do._

_When his fingers touched my leg, it sent me shivers down my spine. I was trying to focus on what he was showing me, but I was distracted by his touch._

_“You got it?” his hand left my leg and I felt slightly upset._

_“I think so.”_

_I tried the trick once again and I managed to nail it. I looked at Tom and he was smiling at me proudly._

He drove and then pointed me to an alleyway. Our alleyway. Tom will ditched school and met me here.

_“Hey fucker,” his voice appeared behind me._

_I threw my cigarette on the ground and stomped on it, putting it out._

_“Hey asshole. Where do you want to go?” he wasn’t smiling, which was unusual. Tom always has a smile on his face._

_“Can we go to your place?” he nibbled on his bottom lip, looking scared as fuck._

_“Is something wrong Tom?” I could tell he was on the verge of tears and I need to protect him._

_“My dad…” he started crying. I ran up to him and gently hugged him._

_“Tom, let’s go back to my place. You can tell me everything there, okay?” he looked up at me. He was shorter than me at that point of time._

_He nodded and I wiped away his tears. He gave me a look like I was the only person in the world he trusted._

_Like I was his everything._

The music shop was next. I remember the owner, a big dude with long shaggy hair. 

_“Oh man, look at this sick guitar. Look at the fucking neck of it and the colour of the body is fucking sick,” Tom said excitedly. He is jumping up and down like a puppy._

_“Whatever, look at this bass,” I admired the Fender in front of me. I would never have the money to buy it but it was the most beautiful thing on the planet._

_“I think I am in love,” I caressed the body of the bass._

_“One day, I promise I would buy that for you,” I looked at him in shock and when he realised what he just said, he looked down and started blushing wildly._

_“With what money?”_

_“When blink becomes fucking popular and we will be doing shows man!”_

_“When that happens, I will buy that guitar for you.”_

_“Promise?” he looked so happy when I said that, like I just offered him the bloody world._

_“Promise.”_

He took me to his old school.

_I was in my beat up car, waiting for Tom to finish school. There were parents staring at me, giving me looks while I smoked. Like as if I fucking care what these jerks think about me._

_The bell rang. A parade of kids ran out of the school, happy to be released from their prison. I saw Tom walking towards me, waving goodbye to one of his friends._

_My heart beat increased as he came closer. He was wearing the stupid school uniform, yet he looked incredibly sexy in it._

_“Hello Mark!” he was in a good mood today, which is rare._

_“Hey, ready to practice?” I started driving to Scott’s house._

_“Fuck yeah!” he threw his fist in the air. “Hey, I wrote this song in school. Wanna hear?”_

_I nodded, always interested in his songs._

_His scratchy whiny voice filled the car._

_”_ _I’m gonna wanna see myself with something too,_ _friends I don’t pay for friends I never knew. So, I took a chance and got some help from few and got a long and skinny friend to talk to,” he paused. “That’s all I got for now.”_

_“That’s pretty good,” I was impressed. The lyrics he has been showing me were usually shit and doesn’t make sense, but I see potential in this one._

_“Thanks,” he started blushing. “I wrote it about you…” his voice trailed off._

_A smile crept up on my face._

He drove past a park and pointed at a closed gate where we used to climb over and smoke pot there.

_“Dude, look that tree is fucking moving man!” Tom started screaming and laughing at the trees in front of us._

_“Fuck man, what if they eat us?”_

_“That will be fucking rad man!”_

_We started laughing at absolutely nothing._

_“Mark, don’t let the trees eat me okay? I don’t want to die alone,” he sounded sad. No Tom, don’t be sad…_

_“Don’t worry Tommy, I will die with you.”_

_We started laughing again, while we hugged each other, warming each other up with our body heat._

He drove to a beach. Our beach. He turned off the engine and we stayed in the car, looking at the waves. The ocean was crashing into the road. I hear his silence loud and clear.

_“THOMAS IS A FUCKING FAGGOT! AND I FUCKED HIS MUM!”_

_He started laughing hysterically like I was the funniest person in the world. I love how he made me feel special, even though I am not._

_“MARK LOVES TO FUCK HIS DAD! AND HE HAVE LOPSIDED BALLS!”_

_We were on our beach, scaring everyone there. Parents looked at us disapprovingly as they walked away with their children. It was becoming darker and colder as night came. I suddenly feel warmness on my hand. I looked down and noticed Tom was holding my hand. I was about to push him away when I realised how good he felt._

_“I love this place. I feel so free,” I told him as we sat down on some rocks._

_“I feel free when I am with you,” he was looking into my eyes and I was locked into his beautiful caramel brown eyes._

_We stayed on the rocks, screaming at people about how gay each other is._

“Let’s go down,” Tom finally broke our silence.

We got out of the car. I reached out to hold his hand, afraid to let go just in case I slipped away. We found our spot, among rocks at the highest point of the beach. We choose to ignore the thousands faces there, all celebrating.

He guided my hand to his nose, breathing into it. God, he knows how much I love it when he does that. I caught his glimpse from an empty stare, hidden eyes behind his auburn hair. I pulled him close to my aching skin. We were barely breathing.

“Thank you.”

He sealed it with a kiss and I drifted away.

This is how it should be.

_… a drive to nine of my favourite places._


	10. 9 pm

_On the tenth hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

We stayed on the beach for what seemed like forever. We did not talk and we did not feel the need to fill the silence with words. Tom pointed at the beautiful night sky to me and I observed the twinkling stars. He gave me a content smile and kissed my hand.

“We better go back home. It’s getting cold,” my body shivered in agreement to his words.

We walked back to the car and he drove us back to the house. I observed the cars and realised everybody was still there, waiting for us to come back.

“Oh Mark, we were so worried about you,” my mum ran up to me to check whether I’m okay.

“I’m sorry,” I stuttered my lame apology.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Come inside and get yourself warmed up,” her mother instincts took over her as she passed me my jacket and hurriedly pulled me into the living room.

Everybody was sitting in the living room, not daring to speak. I noticed a huge wet spot on the carpet, where I dropped my glass of rum. The glass pieces has been cleared away and you could see spots of blood stained on the carpet.

My blood.

I sat down, afraid to break the silence.

“I’m sorry everyone, but I think Mark and I should go back home now. It has been a fantastic day and thanks for all the presents but it’s getting late and it’s a two hour drive…” Tom was rambling again but I was grateful. As much as I love my family, I need to be away from them. And I think they need to be by themselves too.

Everybody nodded, understanding our plight. I started hugging everybody, not really paying attention to the words of comfort they tried to bestow me.

_“Mark, see you around and merry Christmas. I know Tom will take care of you.”_

_“Mark, dad is going to be okay. Go home and get some rest.”_

_“Your father loves you Mark, and me and Max are here for you.”_

_“Your father is a good man Mark. I know he and I are never in good terms, but he is a good man.”_

_"I will call Tom soon to talk about the wedding. Take care Mark."_

_"Thank you for making my son happy after all these years. I am truly sorry about your father."_

Tom has already placed all our stuff in the car.

“I should drive,” Tom has been doing so much shit today, it is a miracle he is still moving.

“Fuck off, I drive,” Tom got on the driver’s seat and I sighed at his stubbornness.

I got in the passenger seat and prepared myself for a long ride.

“Go to sleep baby,” Tom whispered to me.

I decided to comply and let my eyes droop.

_“Merry fucking Christmas! Merry fucking Christmas everyone!” an immature guy started throwing snowballs at the couple kissing underneath the lamp post. They looked pissed and walked away quickly. The tall, attractive guy started laughing and his laugh filled me with joy._

_My boyfriend is such a badass._

_We were in Canada and just finished a tour two weeks ago. Travis decided to go back home to LA so he could spend time with his girlfriend. Tom and I decided that it will be much more fun to spend Christmas and New Year’s here, away from our families, just by ourselves …_

_We had dinner at a cosy café down the street and now we are in a park. We just bought some ice skates, with the full intention of going ice skating at the frozen pond there, but as per normal, Tom decided to cause some havoc._

_“MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!” okay, Tom has gone crazy with holiday spirit._

_“Tom, shhhhhhhh,” I pulled him closer to me and he was beaming at me with enthusiasm._

_“But Mark, I am spreading love and joy!” he was trying to pull out of my grip, eyeing a family that were walking by us._

_“Tom, you are pissing everyone off and we will get kicked out,” he was squirming in my arms._

_“But Mark, I got t –“ I kissed him on his cold, chapped lips, silencing him._

_His lips quickly warmed up and we were both enjoying the taste of each other. After a minute or so, Tom broke the kiss and looked at me with amazement._

_“Look baby, it’s starting to snow,” and so it was. White snowflakes, daintily dancing around us._

_The moment was breathtaking and as I stared into his warm brown eyes, I could feel myself flying._

_“You are so beautiful,” I murmured to him. He started blushing and he placed his cold hands on my cheeks. Our warm breaths were blowing mist in the cold, brisk air._

_“Mark, words cannot describe how heavenly you look, how heavenly you are,” he then gave me a peck on my cheek. I cannot help but smile till my muscles hurt. He has a way with words._

_“The last one at the pond have a small penis!” he started running for his life to the direction of the pond, ruining our romantic moment._

_So typical of Tom._

_I started chasing him but since he got a head start, he reached there first._

_“Mark have a baby dick, Mark have a baby dick!” he proclaimed loudly while people gave us looks._

_“Who is this immature dick? What happened to my sweet boyfriend?” I asked to no one in particular while putting the ice skates on._

_He threw me a snowball and it smacked on my face. He gave me a cheeky smirk and put on his ice skates. I went over to him and started tickling his sensitive spot. His laugh was loud, obnoxious, and I love it._

_We finally got on the frozen pond. There were a couple of people there. I grabbed Tom’s hands and started skating around the pond._

_It was probably the most romantic thing I have ever experienced. Tom was whispering sweet nothings into my ears while we skated around. The lamp posts illuminated the pond and the snow was falling all around us. The trees surrounding us were eerily beautiful, with a layer of snow blanketing the branches. In the end, it was only just us. Just us on that frozen pond. We continued to skate and eventually, we fell on top of each other. We were far away from the stress of our life and honestly, I never wanted to leave that pond._

“Mark, wake up. We are back home.”

I refused to get up. My body felt too weak for such strenuous activities.

“Fine, if you are not getting up, I am getting you out,” he then lift me off the seat, carrying me in a fireman’s lift up to our front door. I started giggling at the absurdity of the situation. He fumbled with the keys and quickly ran to the living room, before dropping me down on our couch.

“You might want to lose some weight.”

“Enough with the fat jokes,” I sat up on the couch.

“Do you feel better?”

“Slightly…” he sat down beside me and started playing with my fingers.

“You know when you said about having the wedding early?” I nodded. “How about we set the wedding in ten weeks? That will give us enough time to sort everything out.”

“Ten weeks seems like an awfully long time,” I am afraid it is too long. I know it is too long.

“I know babe. But weddings take time to plan and I do want my wedding day to be perfect,” I was about to interrupt when he placed his finger on my lips, silencing me. “Mark, I want my wedding day to be perfect. It is the start of the rest of my life with my perfect husband. Don’t you want it to be perfect too?”

I thought about what he said and knew he was right. I do want it to be perfect. Tom is not someone you marry in Vegas with. God dammit, I want the day to be perfect because he deserves it.

“I know with your dad’s situation, you want to get married next week if you could. But everybody have their own lives Mark. They can’t drop everything for us. We just have to hope and pray that your dad will be there.”

“Okay Tom, ten weeks,” I knew he is compromising. I knew he wanted a wedding in June, a beautiful summer wedding. June, because it is our anniversary month. June, because summer is our favourite season. But he compromised for me and I am going to do the same for him too.

Because you will do anything, absolutely anything, for the person you love.

…  _ten weeks to I dos._


	11. 10 pm

_On the eleventh hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

“Here, drink this,” he passed me a cup of hot chocolate. There were two white marshmallows, floating on top of the cream. We were standing on our balcony, looking down at our street. It was still alive with festivities. It was a bit chilly so Tom went and made us hot chocolate. I quickly sipped the smooth, sweet drink and could feel it sloshing in my body, warming my insides up.

“I’m still cold,” I complained to Tom when I finished my drink.

He went back inside and came out with a huge thick blanket for us to snuggle under. We lay down on the outdoor daybed and quickly warmed each other up.

Little things like this make me question myself. I am such a sucky person.

“What?” Tom suddenly asked me, confused.

_Shit, did I said that out loud?_

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” I quickly answered back, maybe too quickly, hoping he won’t press on the issue.

“Mark, you are not a sucky person. You are amazing Mark. How many times must I tell you how fucking awesome you are before you realise it?” he looked upset as he pushed his hair out of his dark eyes.

Great Mark, you made him upset. Merry fucking Christmas Mark!

Jesus Christ, I can’t do anything right today.

“I am a shit person Tom. I can’t do anything right. Today was such a disaster,” I looked away, not daring to look into his sad eyes.

“No you’re not Mark. You don’t get how you make other people feel,” he grabbed my face, making sure that I was looking straight into his eyes when he continued.

"When you are in a room, everybody stop what they are doing. You are like a … force that attracts people. When you start talking, you immediately capture the person’s attention. People instantly like you, Mark. People want to be liked by you. I mean, even … even girls try to get in your pants. Your smile Mark… your smile puts a smile on everybody’s faces and you eyes … just your eyes…” he paused for a second. “Your eyes, Mark, can pierce through anyone’s soul. Your eyes are the keys to uncover the secrets of the world. Your eyes tell stories, happy stories, sad stories. You don’t realise it Mark, but you are the most breathtaking human being I have ever encountered.”

I was stunned. I could not breathe or blink or move. How the fuck am I suppose to reply to that beautiful speech he just gave me?

We lay there in silence while I tried to digest what he told me.

“Let’s climb up to the roof,” a burst of spontaneity came to me.

From the look of his face, you might have thought I suggested jumping in front of a train or something.

“What the fuck for?”

“Because we can. And we are young. And I want to see the stars better.” I wasn’t making much sense but I had this sudden urge to do something crazy. I scrambled underneath the blanket, trying to get out. I stood up and realised that with a little boost, I could get myself on the roof.

He looked at me apprehensively.

“Are you crazy Mark? First, you broke your ankles. You’re going to break your neck next.”

“Come on Tom, give me a boost. I could just make it …”

Tom gave in and gave me a boost and I managed to climb onto the roof. I gave him my hand and he easily made his way on the roof with me, being taller and stronger. Tom laid the blanket on the roof, making it more comfortable for us. We lay there and I closed my eyes, letting the moonlight bask me. His hand was warm against mine and I gave it a little squeeze.

“Hey look, it’s Corvus!” he pointed at the starry sky.

I opened my eyes and gave him a confused look. What the hell is he talking about?

“Look at those eleven stars there! If you join them up, it forms a distorted square,” his eyes were full of exhilaration and I think I could see what he was talking about. Barely.

"Corvus? You never talked about Corvus before?" Tom spends many nights explaining to me about constellations and stars and what have you. His eyes always lights up when he talks about his favourite subject. The only reason I stand him spending hours talking about useless bullshit to me is because he always looked happy when he does. He becomes so animated, so lively and bursting with excitement. I love the way he talks, the little things he does and the faces he makes. I could spend hours just looking at him, not really paying attention to what he is saying.

“Corvus is a constellation that have eleven stars that is visible to the naked eyes. It is Latin for raven or crow. There is a myth behind Corvus. You know Apollo and Coronis?” I nodded, having listened to him talk about mythology more times than I could count now. “Well, Coronis had been unfaithful to Apollo, who learned this information from a pure white crow. Apollo then turned its feathers black in a fit of rage.”

“Well, if you had been unfaithful to me, I would have killed the crow.”

“I would never do that to you,” he frowned slightly at the thought of cheating on me.

“I know.”

And I listened to him drone on and on about Corvus. I looked at him talked about all the other myths, the little hand movements he does, the way his lips move.

It was calming as I watch my lover float into the night sky.

 

_… eleven stars of a crow._


	12. 11 pm

_On the twelfth hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me …_

“Mark, we should go to sleep,” he poked my face repeatedly, trying to wake me up from my day dream.

“Hmmmm… Nooo… I want to listen to you talk,” he had been talking about god knows what, but it was so calming. I could feel all my problems melting away.

“Come on Mark. You are not even paying attention to me,” he pulled the blanket off us and made his way down the roof.

I groaned. It was getting colder and I would freeze to death if I do not move. I reluctantly climbed down the roof.

He was waiting for me. He wrapped the blanket around me and pulled me into the house. We passed our Christmas tree, went up the stairs and entered our bedroom. Tom started stripping off his clothes, leaving just his boxers. The moonlight seeped in through our window and it was caressing his glorious half naked body. His shoulders, broad. His chest, powerful. The hair on his stomach, becoming narrower as you looked further down, pointing like an arrow to his … so fucking sensual.

I glanced at his face and he was smirking wildly, noticing me staring at him. I blushed slightly at being caught. He came closer to me and brushed his lips against mine, giving me tingles. He slowly took off my shirt, my jeans. He started sucking on my neck, giving me goose bumps. His hands were on my chest, my stomach, my back. I was moaning softly.

I could feel his hands lingering over my boxers. I grabbed him by his waist, making him come closer to me. I dug my nails into his waist and he bit my neck in shock. He stopped kissing and sucking my neck so that he could look at me. His eyes were musky with lust. I was so turned on by now that every single shit that happened today were forgotten. He pried my lips open with his own soft lips, delving his tongue into mine. He tasted like hot chocolate and marshmallows, it was so fucking divine. Our hands were still touching each other’s bodies and we were slowly rubbing against each other. I was getting harder and harder by the moment and I knew he was too by his hard penis prodding me.

I wanted him on the bed, or on the floor, or on the wall, but Tom had a different idea. He guided me to the wall length mirror we have in our room, still making out. I glanced at the mirror and observed our reflection. Tom looked fucking sexy, nibbling, sucking and kissing my lips. Our breaths were short and I could see the outline of his boner under the thin fabric of his boxers.

Tom backed away from me suddenly, causing me to whimper sadly. He made me faced the mirror so I could see everything. He walked behind me, stroking my shoulder blades, making my knees weak. He pulled down my boxers, making me shiver from the cold brisk air. My erection was throbbing by now, begging to be touched. I could see Tom’s face, lustful and pleased by my reaction. He continued kissing and nibbling my neck, my shoulder while being behind me. I could not do anything else except for moaned and grunted.

“Tom, little help here,” I pointed at my hard penis.

He giggled before engulfing my dick with his warm big hands. He started slowly stroking me while squeezing pretty hard. I arched my back slightly, my eyes rolling back with pleasure. I looked at the mirror and could see Tom’s face. He was smiling, while placing hot kisses all over my body. Urgh, this feels so fucking good…

“Mark, how about you help me?”

I suddenly realised that he had already took of his boxers, his boner was in dire need of a hand. I placed my hand on it, caressing it gently. He gasped at my cold fingers. Both of us started pumping each other, slowly at first. He continued kissing me, sucking me, making love to me…

Fuck… fuck…

We pumped faster. The whole time, I was looking at him through the mirror. The little expressions he made was making me crazy. We moaned loader, and it reverberated through the whole house. We were in synchronised, two people making beautiful sounds and movements.

“Shit Mark, I’m so close …” he managed to whisper sensually into my ears. I pumped faster and faster and I knew it was sending him over the edge. Tom also did the same for me, squeezing me hard, stroking me fast.

I came first, exploding all over the mirror. Tom came immediately after me and I had to steady us by leaning against the mirror. Tom’s body was limp behind mine, and I could feel my knees crashing. I was on the floor and Tom was on top of me. I did not mind the weight. I was trying to steady my breathing.

I was in euphoria.

We laid there for a couple of minutes, panting our hearts out.

“There’s cum all over our mirror,” Tom pointed at it and I laughed.

“That … was fucking incredible,” I wiped off the layer of sweat on my face and kissed his salty cheeks.

“I told you I was preparing you for later,” he recalled it back to me. “Shit, look at what I did to you.”

He traced my chest. I noticed the hickeys he left me from today. I counted them; one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Twelve, slightly raised purple bruises, all from Tom. He made me his today.

I love it.

“Merry Christmas Mark,” his breathing was still jagged.

“Marry fucking Christmas Tom.”

We laid there on the cold hard floor, wrapped in each other arms. Limb entangled, breathing patterns in synchronise. I watched him slowly drift off to slumberland, dreaming about aliens and all the things that amazed him. Hopefully, I am in it. He smiled in his sleep and I can’t help smiling back. I felt my eyes closing and the last thing I saw was his beautiful face.

Everything was good.

 

_… twelve marks to prove his love._


	13. Epilogue

_A year later…_

We had our wedding ten weeks later, just as Tom promised. It was in a beautiful secluded garden we found while on a date. It had trees blooming pretty white flowers and immaculate rows of beautiful roses and other types of colourful flowers. Travis and Shon were our best men for the day. My father was there, he flew in from Washington a week before and stayed in our home. Both of our families and some of our closest friends were present. The wedding minister was a friend of Tom. My dad gave me away to Tom and I nearly cried while walking down the make shift aisle. Tom was waiting for me at the end and my heart dropped when I saw him. He was smiling his adorable smile, there was a glimmer in his eyes and wow, he looked amazing in the dark grey suit. His hair was still messy, so uniquely Tom and he wore his lip ring even though Connie advised him not to. He gave me this look, this look that I am sure I will never forget for the rest of my life.

When we said our vows and our “I do’s”, I knew this was the beginning. The beginning to the rest of my life. It sounds fucking cliché but there is really no way to explain it. I was complete.

After the small reception in a hotel near by (where Tom and I got drunk then had sex in our hotel room balcony, where anyone could have caught us but we were far too horny and drunk to care), we had our two weeks honeymoon in Antarctica. That’s right; Tom managed to convince me to go to fucking Antarctica for our honeymoon. He wanted to see the aurora lights and by that stage, I would have given him the world if he asked me. It was actually a remarkable experience. The aurora lights were stunning and the night sky was even more magnificent in Antarctica. Tom practically jumped the whole time we were there. I would have preferred somewhere warmer, but the hot honeymoon sex in our warm and toasty suite made up for it.

We had kept our relationship a secret to the public for the past six years. When we finally broke the news of being married, I did not expect such support from our fans. Sure, some people condemned us, but the real true fans made up for it. Many people applauded us for being brave and for setting an example to kids who are closet gays. Many people applauded us for going against the system.

I just told them that it is  not bravery or being rebellious. It is love. Pure, simple love.

My dad passed away a month later. He fell asleep and just did not wake up. He ran out of time and the brain clot took him away. I heard the news while we were recording our new album.  A doctor called and broke the news to me. I started crying my eyes out while Tom was recording his vocals for _Always._ Tom ran out of the recording booth and was beside me, comforting me as my walls fell down.

His funeral was terrible. I cried before reading my eulogy but Tom … Tom was there for me. He always is. I could not read so Tom took over. He held my hands the entire time, refusing to let go. Everybody was there; mum, Max, Anne, Connie, Kari, Shon, Travis. Mum had Max to comfort her and I had Tom, but Anne, poor Anne had no one. I went to her after the funeral and gave her a long hug, telling her it will be alright. I sang her the song I sang her years ago when everything fell apart with our family, and it gave her some temporary comfort.

The album took longer than it should. With my dad’s death, Travis’ broken marriage and Tom’s battle with his painkiller addiction, it was difficult to sit down and record an album together. But we finally released it a month ago. We could not find a suitable name for the album, so we just left it untitled. Responses have been mixed so far. Some people applauded us for sounding more mature and being more dynamic with our sounds while others shunned us for being too “emo” in this album. I guess many people don’t realise that when you went through as much shit as the three of us had over the years, you kinda grew up.

In my opinion, it is our best album yet.

I wrote the song  _Not Now_  on the day of my dad’s funeral. I couldn’t bear to sing it so Tom stepped in. He probably sounded better singing it anyway. It is my favourite out of the whole album. It is my goodbye song to my dad, and I know I will meet him one day. It still hurts, but I know it is temporary. Eventually, it will fade away, like a scar.

It was the 25th of December again. I woke up groggily, still hung over from last night. I was immediately greeted with Tom’s face, few inches apart from mine.

I had a sense of déjà vu.

“Come on Mark, its Christmas!” he was jumping up and down on our bed again, even after repeatedly telling him that he will fucked it up.

“Okay, okay, I’m awake!” I suddenly had a great idea.

I sat up, stood up on the bed, gave him a menacing glare, before tackling him on the bed. We rolled all over and soon, got tangled between our sheets. Tom was laughing hysterically as I tickled him.

“Mark, stop, I can’t breathe!”

“You said that last night too,” hinting him on our previous night activities.

“Excuse me, I believe you were the one who looked like he just ran a fucking marathon once we were over,” he chuckled to himself and managed to set himself free from my grip. He sat on one corner of the bed, suddenly looking serious.

“Do you remember last Christmas?”

“Of course I do. You proposed to me, remember?” I shoved my left finger under his beautiful brown eyes, showing him my wedding band.

“And you said yes,” he beamed at me, like me agreeing to be his husband was the best thing that had happened to him, even though it is the opposite.

Him proposing to me was the best thing that had happened to me, to us.

“Okay, I want to give you something,” Tom suddenly looked nervous as he chewed on his lip ring.

“What? Now?”

“Yes, now!” he stood up, walked to our drawer, rummaged through it, found what he was looking for and passed it to me.

It was a piece of paper. It looked kinda familiar. I squinted at it, not really able to read it without my reading glasses. I grabbed them from the bedside table and placed it on my nose. I looked at the paper again and then gasped.

It was the adoption papers that Tom had been putting off signing for the past two months.

When our album was in the last stages of being complete, Tom and I had more free time. We started talking about our future and maybe having kids of our own. We realised that if it will be too difficult for us to raise our own child, with our demanding lifestyles  Besides, we would probably kill the baby before he turned six months old. We decided that adoption is the best option for us. We went to a couple of foster care homes, not entirely sure what we are doing.

Then, we saw her.

She is six years old. Her name is Alex and she is extremely beautiful. She have dark auburn hair, that reminds me of Tom’s, and eyes that are so blue, you can feel yourself flying. We were allowed to interact with her for half an hour, and she was perfect. She reminded me of Tom so much, how friendly and brave she was. She was curious about us, but polite. She definitely have a personality and the three of us immediately gelled. We had a great time playing with her, and by the end of it, she asked us whether we would become her new daddies. My heart broke into a million pieces when I saw this young child asked me whether I would be her daddy. I told her maybe and she gave me a little hopeful smile. I absolutely adore her and I could not see a better daughter.

I inquired immediately whether we could adopt her. The person gave us a form and it was the first stage of many for her to be us. To be mine. I signed the paper immediately, but Tom … 

I asked him why he refused to sign it. He would always answered that he needed more time to think to himself.

And now, the papers were in my hand. I could see my signature on it. And Tom’s too.

“You signed it?” I could not hide my excitement.

“Yes, I did. I needed time to think whether this is right for us, if this is right for her. I finally figured out that we need her in our lives. You were right, she is perfect. She reminds me of you so much…”

I threw my arms around him, crying with tears of joy at the thought of becoming a dad to a beautiful girl.

“Thank you Tom, this means so much to me,” I sobbed to him while I stroked his soft hair.

“It means a lot to me too. You mean a lot to me. And soon, she will mean a lot to us. Because she will be our daughter, she will be ours.”

“I love you,” I said those three words that used to be meaningless to me until I found him. It have never lost its meaning after all these years of me reminding him.

“I love you too,” he pulled me away from his shoulder. “Are you sure you are ready for this? Parenthood is a big step…”

“With you, I am always ready to take the world,” I gave him a kiss on his sweet soft lips, sighing at how perfect my life is.

“Merry Christmas, Mark,” he said when we pulled away from the kiss.

“Merry Christmas, Tom.”

“Come on, Christmas is just starting,” he grabbed my hands and started to lead me downstairs.

To my new life.


End file.
